One’s home truly is an extension of one’s self. Carefully chosen artworks hint at a depth of character, class and confidence. Glossy finishings speak of an air of sophistication cocooned inside a veneer of elegance. An assortment of various wine stains suggest a love of Fleetwood Mac, a fondness for carrot sticks and dip, and a difficulty with keeping one’s glass firmly secured in one’s hand.
All of the Hamptons-inspired interior styling choices in the world cannot hold a candle to a guest who cannot hold their liquor. Fortunately, there is a way to incorporate those pesky wine stains into an overall design pastiche that screams, “Watch out, Harold, I’ve had a few and I’ve got a lot of opinions.” Here’s how to make those wine stains work for you.
The Wine Stains Palette Choice: White Wine
White wine, thy yellow-tinged nectar of the gods. It’s the drop of choice for many a fancy lady but it’s also the drop that drops most often. Thankfully, white wine stains leave only the faintest of markings that tell the tales of a wild Saturday night with the girls from ‘Book Club’ (where the only thing that gets read is recently-single-Suzie’s Tinder account). Here’s how to make those gorgeous wine stains work with your design scheme.
White wine stains on a carpet take on a gorgeous hue when the light hits them just so. They can open up a room and suggest that you’ve either recently had an extension or that the dog has peed profusely in the living room. Frame them with pot plants to create a sunroom effect that will have your guests asking, “Have you had work done?” And this time, they won’t be talking about your frozen forehead.
The Wine Stains Palette Choice: Red Wine
In design circles, red wine stains are known for their tendency to become the real centrepiece of any room. A good-sized red wine stain will cause your guests to stop in their tracks, unsure whether you’ve been hitting the bottle too hard or recently committed a murder. These are fabulous conversation starters and add drama to any room.
Red wine on a gorgeous white couch is best complemented by adding additional stains to highlight the original art work. A splash of paint, a dirty wet dog or a furious and sticky small child can be rubbed liberally into the couch to create that boho-did-you-find-this-in-a-crackden look that’s all the rage right now.
Removing Wine Stains
Critics of this new phase of interior styling disagree that wine stains can be used to enhance a design theme. Here are their suggestions for getting wine stains out of carpets and couches (therefore, clearly being very boring, darling).
To remove wine stains from couches one must use a cloth (how droll) to blot at the stain with a mixture of dishwashing liquid, water and self-loathing. If you’d prefer not to sink further into your post-Industrial post-modern post-doesn’t-come-on-Sundays nightmare, you could call a professional.
To remove wine stains from carpets one may combine a small amount of dishwashing detergent, a tablespoon of white vinegar and some warm water. One must then repeatedly sponge the stain with the solution and hope to God that the stain comes out before the rest of the PTA arrives. If you’re dubious as to whether you have the skills to clean up the mess, consult a professional who actually knows what they’re doing.